The story.
I lost my first big career-making finance job last year and it caused me to be diagnosed with major depression.
Over a year ago, I decided to make a leap in my financial services career and go for a newly created role that required me to have a Series 7 license. The Series 7 license is a notoriously difficult exam to pass, and I failed it… 3 times. The last time I took the exam, I failed by 2 points. So imagine the level of devastation. I think I would have rather failed by 100 points, I’m sure a lot of you would agree with me on that!
During this time, my department restructured and got rid of my previous role, so once I had failed the requirement for the new position, I had nowhere to go.
I went home after my last failed attempt. My husband found me in the bathtub, where I stayed for two full hours. I cried myself to sleep, and slept in the fetal position for so long that when I woke up, every single muscle in my arms, back, and legs ached for days.
To be honest, the first couple of weeks after my last day at the company weren’t so bad. I went to the beach, Facetimed my family a lot, and picked up a few hobbies I wanted to try but never had the time to get into (I’m now officially a plant lady and my spice cabinet would make The Home Edit proud).
Then the depression set in. I would sleep until 1:00pm every single day. Sometimes my husband would come home during his lunch break just to wake me up. I’d lose track of time. throughout the day. I’d look at the clock at 1:30pm, and I’d look again just a few minutes later and it’d read 4:30pm.
I started to come out of my depression.
Finally, I decided to go to my doctor and tell her what was happening. I asked about changing my anti-anxiety and depression medication which I’ve been on since I was 16 years old. After talking with her and crying for a full hour, she doubled my medication and told me ways to find a therapist. She also diagnosed with me as having a major depressive episode.
At home, I went on several websites and downloaded several teletherapy apps, and eventually found my now-therapist on psychologytoday.com. I spent the summer going to see her once a week. I cried a lot, had a lot of ups and downs, and adjusted to my new-normal of job hunting, seeing my therapist, and just trying to fill my time while my friends and family were at work every day.
Eventually I found a new job, after a few months of doubting that I would ever work again. The self-doubt was VERY real. I came to terms with the fact that I lost my job due to my own failure. I learned that this was okay! Eventually I learned that I put so much pressure on myself professionally, that it affected me personally. My own self identity was wrapped up in the idea that I was a working professional. I defined my self-worth by my successes at work. But I wasn’t necessarily successful or a failure just because of a job title. I had so many other things to describe my self-worth; like my relationship with my husband, my family and friends and the value that I place on these relationships.
Today
Today, I have a job (in financial services, once more) that I love. I look back at how I lost my job last year and I consider it one of the best things to ever happen to me, because now I know that I can overcome my failures and persevere. I’m happy once more, and yes, and it took a massive failure and reflection on my part to get here.
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